Law & Order, arguably the Val Kilmer of procedural TV shows, is apparently ending this year after, I don’t know, let’s say 349 seasons. And while that’s a shame for the middle aged and shut-ins who cannot tolerate watching anything but the same show over and over again, it got me to thinking about what else has had a good run but should probably be discarded.
The whole razor blade in an apple or in candy on Halloween Urban Legend– It never happened. NEVER. Please stop pretending like it did and/or might.
The idea that Gerard Butler is sexy– Look at this photo.
This is not sexy. At all.
This, on the other hand?
This is sexy. Very, very sexy.
Pants- Haven’t we evolved past the need for these yet?
America...how did we let this happen?
American Democracy– I think it is time for this one world government—or new world order if you prefer—I’ve been hearing so much about.
Chinese Democracy– It is time to let it go, Ax—what? It did? When? Was Buckethead on it? Really? Well that’s… disappointing.
Saying, “Oh, so not a real doctor then?” to me– That’s just some cold shit, you know?
SURPRISE MANATEE ATTACK! You didn't actually think I would show those pictures, did you?
Stories about the sexualization of Miley Cyrus– First off, you only get to be outraged once. It is now two, three years after those Annie Lebowitz’s photos…you don’t get to act shocked anymore.
Second, how old is she? 16, 17, right? Think about yourself as a 16 or 17 year old. How interested in sex were you? How much were you doing or thinking about doing or trying to do? Now who got sexualized too soon?
Third, the obsession is a little…creepy. I know they are always couched in, “Is she okay?” or “Bad role model?” terminology, but at this point, it feels kind of like you guys just like to see her scantily clad. I’m just saying this as a friend, media. Think about it.
Not embracing Esperanto– English, French, Italian, Spanish, Togo, Mandarin, German, Russian, Hawaiian, Japanese…these are all fine languages (well, maybe not Italian), but one language for us all? Sounds good to me. We can finally get that Tower of Babel built. Plus, it will make that one world government I mentioned earlier so much easier.
Weather– See “Pants” above.
Kayne West “I’m gonna let you finish, but…” jokes– Nah, just kidding. Those damn things never got old. And here’s another!
He may be annoying, but give him this: he's right...so totally right.
You’re welcome.
Heh.
I think you meant Esperanto.
Indeed I did. Thanks for the catch and it is now fixed.
Brendan, good “Heh” or bad “Heh?”
“Pants- Haven’t we evolved past the need for these yet?”
No, and those dumb ass utili-kilts are not a suitable replacement. If you aren’t scottish you shouldn’t be wearing a kilt, and you definitely shouldn’t be wearing somethign that really just a man dress and not ACTUALLY a kilt despite its name.
Just for the record, there is a new Law and Order series in production…Law and Order: Los Angeles
Dammit – there went another Seal ! How many left to go ? (David K agreeing with me – it just ain’t natural !)
We haven’t evolved past pants for the same reason that sassenachs, generally, should not wear the kilt (except possibly privately, but definitely not majorly – that would just be rank !) There are certain legs which look more like pipe-cleaners than legs – and they should be kept covered for humanitarian reasons …
And the utilikilt (which is sorta Greek) is indeed not a Kilt because it has *pockets* !
gahrie – at least, with Law and Order: Los Angeles they cannot even pretend to have based it upon reality …
A kilt is not the only solution to no pants, my friends.
Tim – true – but culling the species of all who lack the genes for presentable legs rather than pipe-cleaner legs is frowned upon …