CotW: Tim Helps You Plan Your Movie Watching Week, 7/8/10-7/14/10

After a brutally lackluster June (and I say this as a movie fan who can be persuaded to go to the cinema with the weakest of arguments on almost any occasion), July has arrived! And yes, this past week was, shall we say, a bit disconcerting—while I have not seen it, I understand critics and people alike failed to take a shine to The Last Airbender—there are signs that help is the on the way! Those signs, in my opinion, start this week.

So allow me, expert of cinema that I am, to outline your options and offer some helpful suggestions on what to see. Think of me as a shill for the film industry a kindly gentleman who is interested in showing you a good time a guy who likes movies and would like to help you find some you’ll like too.

So join me, won’t you?

Opening July 8

Grease Sing-A-Long (Limited)

What’s It About: To quote my friend Tim, it is the story of a high school male trying to deny his latent homosexuality—think about it, he does not really find Sandy attractive until she gets all leathered up and more prototypically masculine. Or, if you prefer, it is an opposite attracts tale of summer romance renewed for a semester or two. SET TO MUSIC!

Why See It?: People seem to like it. A lot.

Also, musicals can be fun. And musical where people are actively encouraged to interact with the story by singing, saying lines, dressing up, whatever, can be a blast. Just ask Michael Stipe circa late seventies as he speaks (or do I dare say it, sings!!!) the praises of The Rocky Horror Picture Show a few years before he became frontman to one of the greatest bands of all time—he’s present about a minute and 25 seconds into this clip, rocking his love for the Show and Blue Oyster Cult, oddly enough.

(By the way, I know I drip with sarcasm, but I am so not kidding about REM being excellent. I love them a whole bunch.)

Finally, and I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but that Travolta fella can cut a rug.

Why Not See It?: Since “It’s Grease” is apparently not reason enough for some people, although it should be, I’ll try to give you some other reasons.

First, Sing-A-Long? Not Sing Along? Awful.

Second, I can point to its gender politics as being pretty distressing. The whole climax of the show (if you take it at face value and not buy into Mr. Sheridan’s perspective) is about, to paraphrase my wife here, how Sandy is not good enough as she was, but has to change to get her man. Her man, Danny, meanwhile? He just needs to stay relatively in key. Oh, and letter in track.

Final Verdict: Hey, if you like Grease, then you probably are okay with all that bad stuff anyway.  So enjoy!

Opening July 9

Despicable Me

What’s It About: A super villain with a plan to steal the moon becomes a dad to three little girls. Might a change of heart be about to occur?

Why See It?: You are not 7-10 years old? So what! Cartoons have actually been the most consistent bright spot this summer, with both How to Train Your Dragon and Toy Story 3 proving infinitely more delightful than 90% of the other summer fare — and far better at utilizing 3D. And yes, Shrek Whatever also occurred this summer, but there is an exception to every rule, isn’t there?

Besides, dig that cast: Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand, Julie Andrews, Wil Arnett, Danny McBride, Mindy Kaling…I could go on.

Finally, they’ll all be grooving to Pharrell’s score and Pharrell is coooooooooool.

Why Not See It?: See the 7-10 comment above.

The writer also brought us Bubble Boy—which, to be fair, is chuckleworthy at points—and Santa Clause 2—which, to be fair, was not—so that’s not entirely encouraging.

When cartoon movies are not good, they can be horrific to sit through as an adult. There is a cost-benefit analysis to be done here.

Final Verdict: I think the risk is worth it, but for you…well, perhaps you are a gutless coward.

Predators

What’s It About: Remember that eighties movie with the scary aliens? No, you are thinking of Alien. Or Aliens. Let’s try a different tact here. Remember that franchise that tried to revitalize itself by pitting its monster against another series’ monster? No, that’s Freddy v. Jason you are describing. Wait, I’ve got it. Remember that time Arnold Schwarzenegger, with assistance from Jesse Ventura and Carl Weathers, fought a tusky looking creature in the jungle? Yay, that’s the one!

Anyway, this is a sort of a sequel to that movie. Except no Arnold, no jungle. No Danny Glover even! (Go to IMDB.com for that explanation.) Instead, the story is on the Predators’ home world, and a lot of our best killers have been brought on for training purposes or rituals or something.

Tangential thought: isn’t it kind of flattering that when a warlike alien race whose very name denotes hunting things wants to make sure it’s up to snuff, it comes to our planet and picks our murderous all-stars? I mean flattering in a way that reflects badly on our intergalactic reputation, of course, but still. HUMANS RULE!

Why See It?: The plotline, I think, is actually a pretty cool idea. Better than putting the tusked ones in L.A., that’s for sure (again, check out IMDB.com).

Plus, since District 9 made us think of aliens as people too, I’ve been hankering for a film that doesn’t make me feel bad about firing off a few rounds at some ET’s.

And the cast is kind of neat. Who’d ever think to hire Adrien Brody or Topher Grace as badasses? That’s either genius or…

Why Not See It?: …dumb. The casting choices could also unravel the whole thing.

Additionally, there is a strong chance that some of these characters may have time to bleed.

The Final Verdict?: I am weak and I am aware of my weakness. That said, this looks like prime summer trash movie-making in a summer that has not really produced such a movie yet. Plus, that bit in the trailer where Adrien Brody’s character has all those Predator scopes trained on him?

That’s just prime movie imagery there, my friends.

Change of Plans (Limited)

What’s It About: French folk get together for dinner. Presumably they have conversations in French about cheese, wine, cigarettes, ennui, and the ridiculousness of renaming French Fries “Freedom Fries” when, dammit, they aren’t really French to start with anyway.

Why See It?: Because America is not the only country that makes movies.

Also, it’ll make you all cultured and junk, and people dig cultured folk.

Why Not See It?: Subtitles are hard for some people to read; can give you a headache.

Or, the one review I found of it says that it is a pretty mediocre picture.

The Final Verdict?: There are plenty of mediocre American movies that need your support. Unless you are just a French film nut, you can probably just wait for the DVD. Or buy a multi-region DVD player, since it has already been released on DVD in its native land, and not have to wait at all.

The Girl Who Played With Fire (Limited)

What’s It About: A PSA about the dangers of giving kids matches.

Oh, I’m sorry. That’s not right. It is an adaptation of the second installment of the mega selling Millennium Trilogy. Told in its native Swedish tongue!

Why See It?: The books are selling like crazy for a reason, right? And these adaptations are supposed to be very faithful, including performances by Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth that are, according to critics, about as close to the full realization of a character on the printed page as you are likely to find.

And don’t forget the aforementioned cultured piece of seeing foreign films.

Why Not See It?: David Fincher has signed on to adapt the first book, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo…in English, with actors you probably recognize. An adaptation of this book won’t be far behind that.

The Final Verdict?: Can there ever be too much of a good thing, especially when it involves brutal torture and other shocking acts of depravity? Even in a foreign language, that’s the sort of thing we as Americans should wholeheartedly embrace.

The Kids Are All Right (Limited)

What’s It About: The children of a lesbian couple contact the sperm donor that made it all possible. Will his appearance on the scene rock this happy home to its core?

Why See It?: Great buzz. Great actors—including star of the future Mia Wasikowska. A socially conscious message that’s not “I’m standing on my soapbox shouting” blatant. What’s not to like?

Why Not See It?: Well, Julianne Moore and Annette Bening are playing a lesbian couple with children in a story where no one is horribly damaged by this family dynamic. Some folk don’t go in for that sort of thing.

The Final Verdict?: If you live in NYC, San Fran, LA, or Chicago, go for it. The rest of you…not so fast. It is only opening in seven theatres. But when it gets to you, go for it.

Winnebago Man (Limited…like one theatre limited)

What’s It About: The RV salesman guy with the bad mouth on Youtube. Yeah, this movie is about him.

Why See It?: Youtube’s resolution rarely allows its videos to be blown up to 22 x 52 feet.

Why Not See It?: You’ve already seen the videos on Youtube.

The Final Verdict?: Maybe? Some people (read: one guy on IMDB.com) are comparing it Anvil, so that’s good. Harry Knowles liked it and…well…he runs a website so… Honestly, I have no idea. It could be a King of Kong pleasant surprise or it could be a lousy 87 minutes.

[Rec] 2 (Limited)

What’s It About: A sequel to the Spanish film about a TV journalist who is trapped in a building quickly filling with individuals afflicted with an illness that makes them zombie-esque. In this one, medical staff and SWAT swoop in to contain the apartment and, I imagine, complications ensue.

You might also recognize the plot from the American remake of [Rec], Quarantine.

Why See It?: Horror aficionados loved the first one.

Why Not See It?: Sequels of zeitgeist inducing handfeld films rarely work out well—Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows, anyone?

Also, zombies are way played out by now.

The Final Verdict?: I’m not a horror guy, generally, so I may not be the best person to ask. But if you are, and you are not sick of zombies, I should think the reception the first received should be enough to put you in the theatre.

Opening July 14

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

What’s It About: In New York, a seemingly average Joe is approached by a man who insists he is a sorcerer and that the average Joe must act as his protégé in stopping the forces of dark magic.

Why See It?: NICOLAS CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!

Alfred Molina does great villains, if you need another reason. Which you shouldn’t.

Why Not See It?: I don’t know. Perhaps you hate joy, have a soul curdled by hate, or feel the need to punish yourself for your sins.

The Final Verdict?: NICOLAS CAGE=100 TIMES YES!