One of the greatest American political traditions took place last night: the Al Smith Dinner, at which both presidential candidates roast one another — and themselves — in front of an audience of wealthy coastal elites in New York City. Both Obama and Romney were hilarious. Here they are:
I’d encourage you to watch both videos, but if you don’t have time, some of the candidates’ best lines are quoted after the jump.
Romney:
“Usually when I get invited to gatherings like this, it’s just to be the designated driver.”
“Your kind hospitality here tonight gives me a chance to convey my deep and long held respect for the Catholic church. I have special admiration for the Apostle St. Peter, to whom it was said, ‘Upon this rock, I will build my church.’ The story is all the more inspiring when you consider that he had so many skeptics and scoffers at the time who were heard to say, ‘If you’ve got a church, you didn’t build that.'”
“Campaigns can be grueling and exhausting. President Obama and I are each very lucky to have one person who is always in our corner, someone who we can lean on, and someone who is a comforting presence, without whom we wouldn’t be able to go another day. I have my beautiful wife Ann; he has Bill Clinton.”
“I never suggest that the press is biased. I recognize that they have their job to do, and I have my job to do. My job is to lay out a positive vision for the future of the country, and their job is to make sure no one else finds out about it. … I’ve already seen early reports from tonight’s dinner, headlined: ‘Obama Embraced by Catholics. Romney Dines with Rich People.'”
“People seem to be very curious just as to how we prepare for the debates. Let me tell you what I do. First, refrain from alcohol for 65 years before the debate.”
“The president pulled Pope Benedict aside to share some advice on how to deal with his critics. He said, ‘Look Holy Father, whatever the problem is, just blame it on Pope John Paul II.'”
“In the spirit of Sesame Street, the president’s remarks tonight are brought to you by the letter ‘O’ and the number $16 trillion.”
Obama:
“Everyone, please take your seats. Otherwise, Clint Eastwood will yell at them.”
“In less than three weeks, voters in states like Ohio, Virginia and Florida will decide this incredibly important election, which begs the question, what are we doing here?”
“This is the third time that Governor Romney and I have met recently. As some of you may have noticed, I had a lot more energy in our second debate. I felt really well rested after the nice long nap I had in the first debate.”
“I particularly want to apologize to Chris Matthews. Four years ago, I gave him a thrill up his leg; this time around, I gave him a stroke.”
“After my foreign trip in 2008, I was attacked as a ‘celebrity’ because I was so popular with our allies overseas. And I have to say I’m impressed with how well Governor Romney has avoided that problem.”
“Win or lose, this is my last political campaign so I’m trying to drink it all in. Unfortunately, Mayor Bloomberg will only let me have 16 ounces.”
“Of course, the economy’s on everybody’s minds. The unemployment rate is at its lowest level since I took office. I don’t have a joke here, I just thought it’d be useful to remind everybody that the unemployment rate is at the lowest it’s been since I took office.”
“Even though we’re enjoying ourselves tonight, we’re both thinking ahead of our final debate on Monday. … Monday’s debate is a little different because the topic is foreign policy. Spoiler alert: we got Bin Laden.”