[This post was originally published on The Living Room Tumblr.]
An imagined conversation between Marco Rubio and Ben Sasse, set to a tune you may be familiar with…
SASSE:
Marco! Why couldn’t you have just stayed quiet for once
Instead of spouting off to Tapper?
I hope you’re happy!
I hope you’re happy now
I hope you’re happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
RUBIO:
Oh, your tweets are so clever!
I hope you’re happy
I hope you’re happy, too
SASSE:
I hope you’re proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition
BOTH:
So though I can’t imagine how
I hope you’re happy right now
SASSE:
Marco, listen to me
Just say you’re sorry!
You can still be with Bill Kristol
Fight the madman you abhor
You can still lead the #NeverTrumpers
RUBIO:
I know.
But I don’t want it –
No – I can’t want it
Anymore
SASSE:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of this two-party game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to follow like sheep
It’s time to trust the voters
Close my eyes and leap!
It’s time to try
Defying tyranny
I think I’ll try
Defying tyranny
And you can’t pull me down!
RUBIO:
Can’t I make you understand?
You’re having delusions of grandeur!
SASSE:
I’m through accepting limits
‘cause Priebus says they’re so
Third parties rarely win
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long we’ve been afraid of
Losing “unity” that’s lost
Well, if it’s Trump
That comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner buy
Defying tyranny
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying tyranny
And you can’t pull me down!
Marco, come with me.
Think of what we could do – together.
Unlimited…
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll be the greatest team
There’s ever been… Marco
Markets free and random
RUBIO:
If we work in tandem
RUBIO & SASSE:
There’s no state we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying tyranny
With you and I
Defying tyranny
SASSE:
They’ll never bring us down!
Well? Are you coming?
RUBIO:
I hope you’re happy
Now that you’re choosing this
SASSE:
You too
I hope it brings you bliss
RUBIO:
I really hope you get it
And you don’t live to regret it
RUBIO AND SASSE:
I hope you’re happy in the end
I hope you’re happy, my friend
SASSE:
So if you care to find me
Look to the western states!
As Walmart shoppers told me:
“Everyone needs choices they don’t hate!”
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free
To those who’d ground me
From the damned #GOPe:
Tell them how I am
Defying tyranny
I’m flying high
Defying tyranny
And soon I’ll match Trump in renown!
And nobody in Trumpkinland
No stubby-fingered tyrant’s hand
Is ever gonna bring me down!
RUBIO:
I hope you’re happy!
TRUMPKINS:
Look at him, he’s wicked!
Get him!
SASSE:
… Bring me down!
GOP ESTABLISHMENT:
Hillary is wicked!
SASSE:
Aaaah-aaah-aaah!
TRUMPKINS & ESTABLISHMENT:
So we’ve got to bring him down!